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father-and-son-making-amendsApplying the Lessons with Instant Results

“At an NVC parenting class I recently attended, I had the opportunity to go over an exchange that I had with my two year old son. The exchange with my son had left me feeling frustrated and sad, as well as at a loss for how to deal with his refusal to cooperate with me in the morning.

I just wanted a way to work together with my son that was respectful, and effective at getting him dressed!

After reviewing the scenario with the trainer, we then created a redo of the exchange to look at what I could try doing differently. I then “tried on” the idea of checking in with myself before reaching the boiling point of my frustration. I would simply pause to see what my own needs were in that moment.  In this process I was able to identify what was really important to me in the situation. I then reflected on what needs were being unmet for me (the actual cause of my frustration), and what was really going on for my son, what was motivating him.

It was suggested that I also take a moment to notice that he was in fact only playing a game, and connecting with where he was at. In this case I could say, ” Ah, seems like you are having a fun game right now?”

He was playing his “you cant get me game”, and I was needing to take care of myself and feeling unable to.
My frustration began melting in the realization that underlying my need for cooperation, was my need for my son’s and my own well being, i.e.; getting him dressed warmly, and myself fed.

I took this practice home and tried applying it right away, my son noticed a difference in my approach and our level of cooperation, and even more importantly to me, our level of connection improved tremendously!  All of this shifted in mere moments. It turns out, cooperation and respect are only possible when both of us are feeling connection first.”

by Joy Parker-Brown, NVCnextgen Parenting Class attendee

restorativejustice-circleMy Restorative Practices Playshop Experience

This past weekend, Jim and Jori Manske put on a playshop on Restorative Solutions and Nonviolent Communication. That was December 9, 10 and 11th.

It was a great experience and I furthered my knowledge and depth of empathy practice. We had a wonderful mock restorative justice circle on Sunday to end, and it was great to see how justice can come about with connection and understanding and empathy are the values instead of blame and punishment.

I so long for this model to be used where I live, so that we can have more peace and connection, and smaller and smaller prisons and a safer and safer community.  I encourage you to take us up on our offer to do Nonviolent Communication seminars, restorative seminars, for an evening, a day or a weekend, for your group.

By Genesis Young, MD, NVCnextgen’s co-founder
December 14, 2016

1206, 2017

Cultivating the Courage to make Authentic Requests

By | June 12th, 2017|Categories: Classes, Compassionate Communication, Conflict Resolution Skills, Empathy Development, Social and Emotional Learning|Comments Off on Cultivating the Courage to make Authentic Requests

6/10/17 by Stephanie Weisman, NVCnextgen Administrative Support Team Member In my weekly NVC practice group, we've been dissecting the components of the "OFNR" NVC process, where ~ "O" = Observation "F" = Feelings "N" = Needs [...]

2802, 2017

Maui Classes List

By | February 28th, 2017|Categories: Classes|0 Comments

Nonviolent Communication Classes on Maui Offerings this week of April 24, 2017: (for more info click on blue links or reply here) MONDAY:  The Heart of Mindfulness with Jim and Jori 4:30-6:30pm in Haiku [...]

501, 2017

Mindfulness as an effective solution to teacher burnout has recently been established

By | January 5th, 2017|Categories: Empathy Development|Comments Off on Mindfulness as an effective solution to teacher burnout has recently been established

In this NPR article by Cory Turner, featuring a study conducted by Patricia Jennings, “...The teachers who received mindfulness training ‘showed reduced psychological distress and time urgency — which is this feeling like you don’t [...]

401, 2017

Applying the Lessons with Instant Results

By | January 4th, 2017|Categories: Parenting Classes|Comments Off on Applying the Lessons with Instant Results

"At an NVC parenting class I recently attended, I had the opportunity to go over an exchange that I had with my two year old son. The exchange with my son had left me feeling [...]

1412, 2016

What do you do when the bottom falls out?

By | December 14th, 2016|Categories: Empathy Development|Comments Off on What do you do when the bottom falls out?

On Jim Manske's Radical Compassion blog, Rick Hanson writes that “it takes heart to live in even ordinary times,” and goes on to describe simple practices that can help you become “more able to deal [...]

1412, 2016

My Restorative Practices Playshop Experience

By | December 14th, 2016|Categories: Empathy Development|Comments Off on My Restorative Practices Playshop Experience

This past weekend, Jim and Jori Manske put on a playshop on Restorative Solutions and Nonviolent Communication. That was December 9, 10 and 11th. It was a great experience and I furthered my knowledge and [...]

Cultivating the Courage to make Authentic Requests

June 12th, 2017|Comments Off on Cultivating the Courage to make Authentic Requests

6/10/17 by Stephanie Weisman, NVCnextgen Administrative Support Team Member In my weekly NVC practice group, we've been dissecting the components of the "OFNR" NVC process, where ~ "O" = Observation "F" = Feelings "N" = Needs [...]

Maui Classes List

February 28th, 2017|0 Comments

Nonviolent Communication Classes on Maui Offerings this week of April 24, 2017: (for more info click on blue links or reply here) MONDAY:  The Heart of Mindfulness with Jim and Jori 4:30-6:30pm in Haiku [...]

Mindfulness as an effective solution to teacher burnout has recently been established

January 5th, 2017|Comments Off on Mindfulness as an effective solution to teacher burnout has recently been established

In this NPR article by Cory Turner, featuring a study conducted by Patricia Jennings, “...The teachers who received mindfulness training ‘showed reduced psychological distress and time urgency — which is this feeling like you don’t [...]

Applying the Lessons with Instant Results

January 4th, 2017|Comments Off on Applying the Lessons with Instant Results

"At an NVC parenting class I recently attended, I had the opportunity to go over an exchange that I had with my two year old son. The exchange with my son had left me feeling [...]

What do you do when the bottom falls out?

December 14th, 2016|Comments Off on What do you do when the bottom falls out?

On Jim Manske's Radical Compassion blog, Rick Hanson writes that “it takes heart to live in even ordinary times,” and goes on to describe simple practices that can help you become “more able to deal [...]

My Restorative Practices Playshop Experience

December 14th, 2016|Comments Off on My Restorative Practices Playshop Experience

This past weekend, Jim and Jori Manske put on a playshop on Restorative Solutions and Nonviolent Communication. That was December 9, 10 and 11th. It was a great experience and I furthered my knowledge and [...]

Empathy Stories – just in time for the holidays

December 5th, 2016|0 Comments

Greetings, friends, We are excited to announce Empathy Stories, edited by Mary Goyer, has been released just in time for the holidays. This inspiring book of "real life" empathy written by NVC trainers and others, [...]

Tips for a peaceful Thanksgiving

November 24th, 2016|Comments Off on Tips for a peaceful Thanksgiving

Greetings friends, And warm wishes on this national holiday of gratitude! To support peace and connection this Thanksgiving, please consider these tips for navigating your celebration with peace. Start with gratitude! (Details below!) Empathy before [...]

  • Danish students learn empathy in school

Teaching empathy in schools

August 31st, 2016|Comments Off on Teaching empathy in schools

Children in Denmark learn empathy in school, beginning in kindergarten. What could we learn from their practices? Anyone anywhere who has children learns quickly this inalienable truth about humans: We are inherently, naturally and spectacularly [...]

  • Kids Helping Kids

The importance of teaching empathy to preschoolers

August 14th, 2016|Comments Off on The importance of teaching empathy to preschoolers

Even very young children can learn empathy, and their lives, and the lives of their families and peers, will be better for it. In “The importance of teaching empathy to preschoolers, why all parents and [...]

empathy-stories_coverGreetings, Friends,

We are excited to announce Empathy Stories, edited by Mary Goyer, has been released just in time for the holidays.  This inspiring book of “real life” empathy written by NVC trainers and others, includes 3 stories by Jim.

Please enjoy a copy and give one as a gift AND Amazon donates through Amazon Smile to

Jim and Jori

heart-in-hands

November 24, 2016

Greetings friends,

And warm wishes on this national holiday of gratitude!

To support peace and connection this Thanksgiving, please consider these tips for navigating your celebration with peace.

1. Start with gratitude! (Details below!)
2. Empathy before Education. Consider reflecting what is important to the speaker before educating them on your view. For example:

Guest A says: “I’m so happy Trump was elected! Now we can get our country back!”
You respond: “So, for you, you are feeling hopeful that the results of the election will help our citizens?”
Guest A says: Yeah!
You say, “Thank you! For me, I feel ____________________, because ________________ is important to me! I imagine you share that value as well! How do you feel hearing that?” Then, back to “Empathy Ears”!

3. At the end of the day, consider ending with gratitude and a celebration of our connection. “I’m so grateful that we had this opportunity to share some time together. It met my needs for community, celebration, and inspiration!”

And here’s some specific tips on sharing and receiving gratitude in a powerful way.

Expressing Gratitude

Compliments are often judgments – however positive – of others, and are sometimes offered to manipulate the behavior of others. With a compliment we are telling someone what they did right as opposed to wrong. Both are judgments and are life-alienating statements. NVC encourages the expression of appreciation solely for celebration.

Three Components of Appreciation:
What specifically did someone do that made your life more wonderful?;
What need(s) were satisfied?
How do you feel right now as you consider the fulfillment of those needs?

Sometimes when we offer appreciation and gratitude like this, people feel shocked and surprised to hear it, so its recommended that we add a request asking for a reflection back of what was just expressed. “How do you feel hearing that from me?”

Example: Observation — Sam and Tina spent 3 weeks creating the surprise birthday party for Laura. They made call after phone call and tracked down her friends to invite them to share in the fun. Laura was surprised.

Consider the difference between:
Laura: “Gee, thank you Sam and Tina. I want to compliment you on a great party.”
With NVC: Laura: “Sam and Tina, I’m so grateful (feeling) to both of you for putting this surprise together for me (what they did). It has been so much fun (need). I really enjoyed (feeling) seeing and connecting (need) with all my friends and cannot remember having so many of them all in the same place at the same time. You’ve really contributed to my life and made my birthday special. For this I am grateful.

Receiving Appreciation and/or Gratitude
When we receive appreciation expressed in this way, we can do so without any feeling of superiority or false humility by celebrating along with the person who is offering the appreciation. Kelly Bryson, in his book, Don’t Be Nice, Be Real, says, “If we do not need approval, then what do we do when others compliment us? Compliments are one of the great joys in life and are an important way of learning about how we are affecting others.” He suggests:

When you receive a “compliment” from someone, consider asking:
What you said or did that they are reacting to
What needs were met by this (or empathize to discover this)
What feelings s/he is having about this

If you were a contractor, someone might say, “Great job on the plaster!”
You might respond with, “Wonderful, what did you like about what I did?”

Listen for needs met in their response and check them out. You hear, “Well, you got everything done in the time you said you would, the color matches perfectly, and you cleaned up when you were done!”

Now ask or empathize to discover what feelings they are having about getting that need(s) met. “Are you grateful that the work got done with ease, and that your hopes for beauty have been realized and that order has been restored?” by Jim Manske @ radicalcompassion.com


Contact NVCnextgen with any questions, inquiries or feedback at:
1) by mail: 53 Palulu Way, Haiku, HI 96708
2) by phone: 808-575-5301
3) by email:  info@NVCnextgen.org